How to s*ck d*ck with sexpert Topher

A hilarious and enlightening dic-scussion you don’t want to miss.

I sat down with “the nation’s sweet tart” Topher Taylor, a UK sexpert and adult toy tester and developer to get into the nuts and bolts of sucking dick. Read the conversation below for tips and tricks on becoming a throat goat…

Could you tell us a bit about yourself and the work that you do?

I do sex education, which is something I just kind of fell into. I failed school and got removed from college. I just thought I'm gay, I'm working class, I'm numerically dyslexic, like there's no chance. Then I started to go out in Soho as a teenager, discovered sex shops and suddenly I'm like, I find this really interesting. This must be my topic.

I got a job in a sex shop when I was 18 and built a really good sales record. I used to work with the working girls and trans escorts in the area. I’d give them discounts and free latex in return for them bringing all their clients to me. Eventually a few of the scene magazines like QX and Boys gave me columns, and I got opportunities with Channel 4 and mainstream magazines. 

Basically I get paid to talk about orgasms. I help brands develop toys, which is the main thing I get asked about now.

On dick sucking, maybe we could begin with some starting points around pleasuring other people's bodies in general?

So what I always try and do is ask questions, “what do you like” then that leads into “can I watch you masturbate?” And then you pay attention to how they pleasure themselves.

I've done years of discreet DL guys who just don’t know how to communicate the fact they might like cock or arse. So I've had a crash course in having to drag information out of people.

We train ourselves to be pleasured in a certain way, especially people with dicks. Like if a guy is wanking a certain way – watch how they're gripping. Because they could have trained their cock to only cum when they've got that much grip or maybe when it's a bit dry. So then you're thinking, I'm gonna put a lot of work into this person if I'm riding them because they need to be clenched and dry, you know? So I think communication is honestly number one.

Okay so there’s a hard on in your face. Where'd you begin? 

If anyone's reading this, learn from my mistakes! I've been around the block, trust me. I'm very well known in South London!

There’s things like moisture – having drunk water. Another thing that people don't think about, which I find really beneficial is blowing your nose. Getting congested can prevent you from sucking dick properly because you're gasping for air. Also you don't have to suck it, if that makes sense? Penises orgasm from going into a moist, wet suction-y canal – and with a blowjob you naturally get suction because with the head movement, you’re pushing air in and out.

The first thing I always do is stimulate the back of the penis head – the frenulum – you'll get their attention straight away. Not hard because it's a very sensitive area (especially if they're uncircumcised). You want it wet, slidey, slippery, but focused.

Again, communication helps. Some people don't like hands on their cock ‘cause it's too much pressure or maybe it makes them cum too quickly. Tender and sensual first – we don’t have to start with the double hand glug. 

On Wednesdays we wear pink. Topher posing in a revealing pink garment.

What would you say are the differences between pleasuring cut versus uncut dick?

So circumcised cocks, you need more moisture. You haven't got the skin to glide on, so when you're gliding you’re relying on spit. And if you do get a dry mouth a little trick that I learned is to gag. Push the dick into the back so your throat develops that spit (which is like lube).

Uncut dicks are more sensitive and prone to premature ejaculation. You wanna make sure that the head is wet. Because when you're bringing the skin up and pulling it down over the head – if that's dry – it's a really unpleasant sensation. It grips and it irritates. 

A lot of uncut guys can get very sensitive around their penis heads. So moisture is important at the top, but also at the bottom. Because you wanna have that reservoir of lube to bring up to the head if it gets dry.

And you don't want there to be too much pressure – you can put the penis head in the roof of your mouth. Then if, if they're getting very sensitive, you can put a lot of attention on the shaft and keep the dick there because you're still satisfying them. If you move your head the dick is still getting that suction from bouncing, but you're not putting too much pressure on the back of their penis head.

Let’s talk about teeth and getting them out of the way…

There's nothing worse than say you're having a blowjob and then suddenly you get this sharp scratch? It's about compromising how you're looking during blowjobs. I know that some people wanna look like porn stars, but to be honest if you're giving great head you look quite ugly. 

But the first thing I think is to open your jaw in an A sound and E sound shape, because you want the bone beneath your cheekbone to broaden. It can take practice, but you can do jaw exercises before giving a blowjob. With my partner now, if I knew we were gonna do oral, I'd be doing jaw stretches. Not because I wanted to do crazy deep throat but I've got fangs so I don't wanna cut him!

It’s all about opening your jaw and feeling comfortable to do that. You can feel like “oh I'm gonna look ugly, my face is gonna look weird.” And like would you rather look like a porn star and cut someone's dick up with your back teeth?

How could someone get better at giving deep throat or develop that skill?

If you look beyond the fact it's sexy and it's got this like, “oh, can you do it?” thing, you've gotta think about the logistics of it. You want that dick to go down your neck hole, that's a channel. So you need to straighten the channel and you need to practise – beginning with gag reflex.

When I was younger even when I brushed my teeth, I'd gag. Now because of years of being a whore I can take dick down my throat. And I've learned to breathe around the dick.

How have you gotten to that stage? Is part of it being comfortable and not panicking?

Yeah, be comfortable, sort any congestion and keep your neck channel straight. The way that people most popularly give head is on their knees or leaning over someone in the bed. But you're actually putting your neck a bit of a right angle in those positions. So the way that I practised, I used to lie back with my head off the edge of the bed and my ex used to fuck my neck.

It's kind of hot. It's stressful, but you learn to relax those muscles because again, practice makes perfect. It's like anal. You're used to one way traffic, you've gotta train it in the other direction. 

If you're new to deep throat and you wanna practise, take a decongestant if you're able to. Because if you're blocked up, you're gonna panic ‘cause you're gonna be like fuck, I can't breathe. And let’s be honest there are a lot of tops out there who aren't very good at listening. Once they get that pleasure in their cock they go into animalistic mode. So that means also having a partner that you can practise deep throat with. 

So I think communicate, find someone you can practise with. Think about moisture because you really need your throat to be wet – if it’s dry, you're gonna gag ‘cause it's gonna have too much friction.

Do you have any throat training tips like practising with a dildo?

Yeah. Everyone thinks right I like guys with big dicks or I like X XL Cocks, I like monster cocks. And it's not about how much your throat is being stretched when you practise, it's about the sensation of something being down there. So just buy a medium size dildo or whatever is medium to you.

I used to practise on this one called the Ambit because it had a curve. So I was really interested in it. It’s not particularly thick, but it's a nice-sized cock and I just used to move my head around different side positions and realise what worked – that's a really good way as well to find out where your channel relaxes the best. It can be different for different people.

Get the toy and move your head around different angles. And think “right, the last few times I gave head, what position was I doing it in?” Get your body in that position and try it because that way you'll learn what you need to do in terms of movement to relax your channel.

And like, how much practice are we saying? Like, do we do a little practice once a day, once a week? 

So I think with practice, it's more about getting those muscles relaxed and getting the memory going. So I think if you want to do it every day, do it. If you've got the time to do it, why not?

A lot of people might think, “oh how pathetic, what you gonna sit and put a D on your throat every night?” Yeah. Why the fuck not? It's hot.

Any tips on bringing in hands as sometimes people are into it, sometimes people aren't?

Just ask outright. (But I always ask, and I've always asked – I have the luxury of being confident because of my context and my career). With hands in terms of what to actually do, up, down, around, is your friend – keep it wet, keep it moving.

Some people don't like the hand to go over the penis head – they just like it on the shaft because it can be too sensitive. If your hands are dry pay attention to them, ‘cause that’ll feel rough. If you've got sharp fingernails, keep them out of the way. 

Some people really like double hands. Some don’t. Pay attention to how their body's reacting. A lot of people are not used to getting good head – when they get it, you see them responding facially because they're like, “oh fuck.” 

If you've got like acrylics they can be really nice to stimulate the perineum, which I was gonna get to next. What I would do with my partner or my guys in the past is I'll just literally sit in there, pull their thighs forward and open them. Then I'm like “bring your butt forward, and this area in front of me is mine, lay back, shut up and watch this.”

[Me screaming with laughter]

Topher teasing some thigh in lingerie.

Okay, so the perineum…

So the perineum or whatever you wanna call it, I love it. I absolutely love it. But you gotta treat it gently ‘cause you'll notice as well when the penis is erect, the perineum becomes slightly firmer. It feels like the spine of the dick begins there. So you don't wanna be pushing in on it. When you push, it's like getting kicked in the balls almost.

Keep it wet and then before you get it wet, in the start of the blowjob, stimulate all around it.

Like, almost like tickle it and stroke. Because I guarantee most people with knobs are not used to really getting someone down there playing with them. Especially if they're well hung they're used to “oh my God, it's a big dick. Put it straight in my mouth.” You know, make them wait and tease them.

And then one thing I always do, especially during the blowjob if I'm able to, is to use one hand on the cock (if they’re into the hand) and then the next thing is to spread your two fingers, either side of the perineum – ‘cause there's a raised bump – and stroke either side and massage. Because it's just really hypersensitive. So as well as satisfying the penis with motion and moisture, you’re also satisfying the gooch.

Topher also responded to questions submitted by Irresistible Damage readers… 

Reader 1: Is it possible to have a mouth too small to suck most penises?

It can be, if a penis is literally bigger than you can retract your jaw or keep your teeth off of it (I've been there). When this is the case, you can stimulate the head with your lips and tongue and just get spit involved to stimulate the shaft and the head with your hands – if they like hands on the head, that is. If you struggle bringing up enough spit, get some lube involved. It's better to have something to do than to simply say “that's too big for my mouth”. If all else fails, bring a masturbation stroker into the mix. Communicate with them and let them know you struggle to throat it but still want to play with it. Personally, I just love playing with dicks so it wouldn't matter if it fits.

Reader 2: I like sucking dick in theory but in practice my overbite makes it difficult/embarrassing. What should I do?

Practise. You can do this on bananas, dildos, or anything phallic in shape. Or even on a person if you have a fuck buddy that you feel confident communicating with. When you're practising, place your upper lip over the base of your teeth and keep it there. It doesn't look sexy, so to speak, but it will deliver the best results. Repeatedly practice until placing your lip there feels natural and not forced, Teeth can be incredibly shocking and painful for the penis head, even if it's not your intention. 

Reader 3: As I've gotten older I feel like my jaw gets more tense while I'm sucking dick. I never had a problem with cocksucking before but now I'm sucking someone new and we have to take a lot of breaks because I kind of get lockjaw. Are there pre-suck jaw stretches you can help me with? Throat yoga? What do I do to keep from locking up?

I used to get this, so I actually know exactly what you mean and that horrible restriction sensation in the jaw hinges. I speak about this in my blowjob guide, actually. Before oral, massage the joint until it feels warm and gummy – alongside pushing your jaw side-to-side gently with the palm of your hand until it doesn't feel it can be pushed naturally any further. Do this for a few minutes. 

I also practise opening my mouth before oral, in 'O' 'A' 'E' shapes to warm-up the jaw muscles. You basically want to give your jaw a warm-up as if you're about to take it to the gym and don't want to put muscles under any unnecessary stress.

It's also worth taking breaks during giving head. If it's something that happens a lot with you, alternate between your (wet) hands and your mouth, instead of simply throating it all of the time. I find it happens to me when I am tired, so a good amount of rest and relaxation before sex can really help. You want to make sure you enjoy giving head – it should NEVER be painful. 

You can follow Topher’s work @tophertaylor on instagram or click here for his linktree. If you want more in-depth details on sucking dick, check out his blowjob guide too.